Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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