Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
