hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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