So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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