Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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