Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
