And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
