It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
