It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
