Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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