It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
