Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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