Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
