I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just pee around me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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