u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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