I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
