how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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