Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he thought i was a dude.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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