I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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