her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The uberlube is also flammable
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
