When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
