I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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