Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
