She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
