Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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