I look better un-naked...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
