I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
