I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Enjoy the penises
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
