Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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