it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
