Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Ladies don't puke and tell
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
