how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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