so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
