got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
false alarm. still invincible.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
