i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
