My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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