I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
