You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
