i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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