I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
