Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
