Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
