it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
