How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just pynch a tree in the face
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize