its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
