The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
