she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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