You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
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Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
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I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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