I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
