Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
