i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
