check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
