hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
