babies were throwing up all over the place
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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