My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
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I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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