Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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