I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
