Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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