I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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