Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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