Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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