taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
