I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
